Day

I didn't even realize what day this was.

I wrote a poem.

I felt inspired by the passion I felt about my x.
I wrote a poem, then the title just came to me.

Women Should Dream

That was it then I made this blog.

It happened so naturally and so strong. Today is the day I buzzed my head. Something I always wanted to do and I did it a year from this day. Dec 9 was a very changing day for me. I haven't cut or trimmed my hair since. Samson as I said in earlier post.

It's amazing how much has changed. How I have turned from night to day.

A year ago I was 160 now I'm 130. Size 12-10 now 6.

40C - 38D to 38B-36C

To dating the man I though I should always be with to now the person I never want to be with.

Having dull and shallow friendships to friendships where you can just feel what the other person is thinking and feeling. No words required.

Caring deeply what other thought of me, to knowing there are bigger things in store for me.

I want to snuggle.

How it is

You sent me a message and I got bubbly,

I was turned on but sadness and anger coursed next

Do you know I cannot trust you... not anymore.

I cannot watch the world pass me as you pass forward.

I cannot pretend that our 'love' surpasses my existence,

Or that your life surpasses mine.

I have passion and things are personal, yes

I might have to fend for myself, yes

But you will never fend for me against you.

You will never stand up and say, I should treat you better

You will never stop and realize how lucky you had it

You say you want this, that, the other, you want another but I gave it all

Then when it doesn't work with them you call out my name, in the name of 'caring'

I can never go back there with you,

Someone must fend for me and I am the only volunteer.

Leaving you was one of the best choices I have ever made.

Me

Some look at this and say I look scary or I look like I will kill.

I am just determined. I am focused. This scares many.

My Mullet

My hair flows now at the same length.

Some call this a mullet.

I put my hair up to cover the mullet sometimes because others will look at me strange
But I am beautiful in all my forms,
I wear my hair down when I feel good,
Really good.
Then anyone who sees my mullet can see how happy it makes me.

Oh, my little Samson Hair.

My Hair

I buzzed all my hair off last December 9th.
I buzzed it all off to small little spikes that engulfed my head.

I look good with a buzz cut.

My boyfriend, at the time, was afraid,
He did not tell me until after he was not longer afraid.
He was afraid that I wouldn't be the same.
He was afraid that I would change into something different.
That I wouldn't be the woman he chased.
That I would look like a Man.
He didn't want me to evolve.

But I did.

I became something new.
Something greater.
From that point I made large and momentous steps.
Towards not him but my own life.
Back to the one who would love me for me,
Not for an image I represented.

Women Should Dream

Women Should Dream of a Future,
A place of what they want,
A place they want to go,
A place that provides what they need,
Then accomplish it.

Women should dream of new things,
Of unimagined things,
Things we aren't suppose to want,
Things we aren't suppose to have,
Then accomplish it.

We are told stop dreaming and face reality,

You must be realistic.
You must let go of these thoughts.
You must let go of these aspirations.
You are not in the here and now.
You must come back to reality.

But you do not know my reality.

I am just now creating it.